Sensuality is a vital aspect of most sexual play, and when you have someone restrained you can really go to town, using anything from feathers to whips, and using them on all parts of the body in all kinds of ways, in differing rhythms, with differing touches, from very light to very heavy, from very slow to very fast. The hands alone can produce an infinite number of sensations depending whether you use your palms, fingertips, knuckles, or nails. The kitchen is a great source of interesting toys. You may think you don?t want to experiment with whips because they hurt too much, but when a person is physically aroused, s/he doesn?t feel pain in the same way, so as long as you use a whip or a flogger safely, you may both find it a delightful tool. However, a very light and gentle touch is an important aspect of sensuality and can be extremely arousing. What?s necessary is to be absolutely present, emotionally, mentally and physically, with every fiber of your body. You are silent and still inside, focused on, watching and listening to your partner on all levels.
If you haven?t played in this way before, you may imagine that, as the one in charge, you have to put your own feelings aside, and that desire and passion cannot be flowing through your own body. That?s not the case ? it?s simply a different kind of build-up, more controlled and held. It?s a more feminine way of being, slower and receptive. However, we all know that it?s more common for men to be in charge when it comes to sex (and life in general), and sadly, many of them don?t understand the art of sensuality; they don?t really know how to listen to their partners. They tend to do sex in standard ways, which frequently isn?t what women want. Therefore it can be very useful for women to take on the role of the top, and using restraints is helpful in establishing that role ? although even when you use restraints, you must radiate confidence. That kind of confidence comes from being very present and clear in yourself, and you may initially find that you tend to be anxious that you are not doing it right. That anxiety passes with practice, and in the meantime, I recommend that you just act as though you are absolutely certain about what you are doing, completely self-assured.
You don?t have to stick with any one role, you can play with different roles. That said, some people want to switch, and some don?t. Some find they only play in certain ways with certain people. Some people only ever want kinky sex, and others find that vanilla sex is even more enjoyable when it?s occasionally combined with kink.
Playing around in new and different ways is frequently well worth the initial discomfort and effort, since bondage and other role-playing can quickly change old boring dynamics that aren?t working for you any more. Because she risks being labeled a slut, it requires courage for a woman to step into her own sexual power but when she does so, it?s possible to go very deep, taking intimacy to quite another level. It benefits everyone, since men have a great deal to learn from women who open up in that way. Choosing to claim your power in the realm of sexuality is also likely to help you to be more powerful in your daily life.
Mikaya Heart is an award-winning author and a life-coach. Her latest book is The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women.
www.mikayaheart.org
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Source: http://dangerouslee.biz/2012/11/23/sex-and-relationships-with-mikaya-heart-taking-charge/
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